Wendy’s would like you to know that you will not have to pay more for nuggs during peak hours. The internet was spun into outrage like a giant, bitter Frosty after CEO Kirk Tanner said in a Feb. 15 earnings call that “as early as 2025,” the fast-food chain would test dynamic pricing—better known as surge pricing to anyone who's ever paid 10x the normal rideshare price because it's raining.
“It’s price gouging, plain and simple,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren wrote in a post on X.
Pretty quickly, though, not unlike an inexperienced patron halfway through a Ghost Pepper Ranch Chicken Sandwich, the fast-food chain sought to cool things down.
“To clarify, Wendy’s will not implement surge pricing,” the company said this week in statements to NBC News and other outlets. It said its plans for digital menus, which would let it offer discounts, “particularly in the slower times of day,” had been “misconstrued in some media reports.”
Well, if Wendy’s isn’t going to implement surge prices, someone else will have to. And at CFO Brew, we have some ideas.
Here, then, are some of our very serious proposals* 😉 for other items that could use surge pricing to make everyone’s life a little easier:
Espresso drinks during commuting hours. We will not shame anyone for wanting a morning latte or macchiato or even a Frappuccino. But innocent drip coffee drinkers are languishing five people deep in line for a 20-second transaction while wands froth, blenders whir, and baristas pump unholy quantities of syrup. This idea is a purely selfless proposal not at all borne of personal frustration.
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Gym perks. Ever show up to yoga class only to realize the last spot left is right in front of the instructor? Would you pay a little extra for guaranteed mat space at the back of the room? Or to not have to wait for an elliptical between 5pm and 7pm? Sounds like an opportunity to us.
Seafood dinners during Lent. It’s no secret that seafood is a major catch during Lent, the period leading up to Easter when Catholics avoid red meats on certain days. Restaurants enjoy a 20% increase in seafood sales during Lent. They’d be foolish as flounders to not charge diners a little more for their Friday fish fry. It’s not like they’re going to order a burger instead.
X posts after news events. The platform formerly known as Twitter doesn’t charge by the post, but if it did, it could jack up the cost of posting after major news events to prevent the flood of disinformation and opinions from self-appointed experts. Let’s also make the charges progressive so that billionaires—not that we have anyone in mind—feel the same financial sting as any other excessive poster.
*We refuse to back down in the face of consumer opposition. Also, we probably have no power to change prices and are just grumpy because we’re over-caffeinated, under-exercised, and over-stimulated. But we can stand on principle all the same.
Courtney Vien and Alex Zank contributed reporting to this story.